The act of scattering ashes has been a long-time tradition, acting as a way to ensure their loved ones are in a meaningful resting place. But what about those who want their loved ones close to them, in a form that’s eternally near to their heart?
Past wishes or religious traditions may mean the decision is pre-decided for the family, but for those who have the choice, it may not come easily, as ‘being paranoid about getting it wrong’ or ‘paranoid about not being able to undo it’.
The ‘traditional’ form of scattering ashes is prominent today, according to Richard Martin at Scattering Ashes UK, with over eight million people scattering ashes. Some simply don’t wish to maintain a grave, instead wanting to connect with the deceased without needing a static gravesite.
There’s no one way to decide how someone’s presence is felt. No true right answer to that difficult question. But from mixing ashes into a profound painting to creating glass sculptures from remains, these artists and companies attempt to give the loved ones left behind peace and closure.
The Bird
Scattering ashes is not a one-size-fits-all approach. Despite its prominence, new ways to remember loved ones through their ashes have developed and are becoming more common. Richard said: “We are here to give people agency and let them feel confident about the choices they make”.
The company incorporates the ashes, usually just a tablespoon, to create a meaningful remembrance piece. Meaning families are able to remember their loved ways in many different ways, without having to incorporate all the ashes into one send-off.
Richard said: “Grief isn’t about moving on, it’s about changing your relationship with the person that’s gone”.
Whether that’s through scattering their ashes in a place they once loved, in nature or near a beach, or keeping their ashes in an urn in a special part of the house, next to a chair they sat in reading the newspaper. It’s a reminder of their everlasting presence and can help those in their grief.
The tangible product comes in the form of delicate pieces of artwork, such as glass robins, which embody a small amount of ashes. Why a robin, though? The robin is actually a traditional symbol of comfort and visitation that often appears when a loved one is nearby. It’s a subtle reminder that love endures, and those who are gone are still around.
Richard said, “You’ve got a visual, constant reminder that no one else can see. But you can see it.”
The Memory
Every piece of artwork created using ashes is private and personal to the family. Some are used as a celebration of the life of a loved one, whilst others symbolise a life gone too soon and missed experiences.
Artist Lanson Moore said the reason she creates cremation artwork is to give people another ‘option’.
She said: “It’s important to be able to give people that space in their home that they can look at the painting and remember their loved one.”
The first piece she did with this sentiment told the story of a couple who had just missed out on their silver wedding anniversary. She combined their ashes with silver paint to paint a silver line on a river stream where they were from. It’s a subtle but telling reminder of their love, giving family members and loved ones comfort.
Lanson was inspired to start creating memorial art because of her own loss. She lost her dad unexpectedly, and most of his ashes were scattered in the family home. Whilst completing the landscape painting her father wanted her to do for him, her sister told her of her wish to put some of the ashes into jewellery. It was then that the ‘spontaneous idea’ popped into her head to mix ashes with art.
Lanson also creates a lot of memorial artwork around baby loss. She said that it’s an alternative to scattering ashes as ‘most parents cannot bear to scatter their babies’ ashes’ and they feel they are doing them a ‘disservice by putting them in an urn’.
She believes that baby loss is not spoken about enough so it’s important for her to create a space for parents to grieve. During conversations with the family she has often been shown shoes or little pieces of ‘memorabilia’ that were reminders of the ‘small amount’ of memories they had with their baby.
The most emotional story that she turned into artwork was of a baby who was born on the fifth of November, fireworks night. The hospital then gifted the family a memorial box that had three knitted octopuses inside.
Octopuses have three hearts – one for the mum, one for the dad, and one for the baby. The family had asked Lanson to create a painting with fireworks that had three sparks, as three was their special number.
She said that they wanted to ‘remember this joyous thing as they’ve got their child back home’.
Lanson believed that memorial artwork can help people with their grief as it gives ‘that space to help process their feelings’. She hopes that her artwork can be ‘therapeutic for them’ and reduce the ‘emotional burden’ that some have when they question ‘have I made the right decision?’.
But whether preserved in a glass robin, blended into a landscape painting or scattered somewhere meaningful, there is no single way to honour a loved one. What really matters is the connection the living feel with the deceased.
In that way, no one is really left behind by their loved one.
For some families, that connection comes from returning to a favourite beach or hillside, a location that meant the most to their loved one. For others, it comes from seeing a painting on the wall or a sculpture on their shelf, a steady and constant reminder of someone they miss.
As Richard said: “Grief isn’t about moving on, it’s about changing your relationship with the person that’s gone.”
Whether that’s through scattering their ashes in a place they once loved, in nature or near a beach, or keeping their ashes in an urn in a special part of the house, next to a chair they sat in reading the newspaper. It’s a reminder of their everlasting presence and can help those in their grief.
While memorial art continues to grow in popularity, artists and companies are offering assurance to grieving families who may need it most.
There is no right way to say goodbye, but there are many ways to keep a loved one’s memory close by.